Looking at the second date from a mans perspective, that is, giving the men some advice, we hope that women will learn some tips as well.

Regarding ‘The Second Date’ consider the issue of timing. The second date should ALWAYS be on a Friday or Saturday night. If the woman claims she is “busy” the next Friday and Saturday and asks for another day, tell her that you are too tired working the other days to go out, and ask her out again the following Friday or Saturday; if she is busy two Fridays and Saturdays in a row, she is busy with another (or possibly two) boyfriends.

Why is it important to insist on a Friday or Saturday night on only a second date?

The first date, the introduction, was ok to have on a weekday night. You were only meeting for an hour or two, and it was essentially a “blind” meeting, meeting someone who you weren’t even sure what she looked like.

But the second date is a real date. If you start a pattern of allowing her to set the dates on weekday nights from the start, your date will think you are a pushover and schedule all your dates on weekday nights. Why do women (and some men) do this? Some women have “primary” guys they are dating and “secondary” ones. Usually there is one (or two) primary guys they are seeing on Friday and Saturday night who are being evaluated for possible long term boyfriend material, or are currently boyfriends. Then there is the second group who they will agree to see on weekday nights. The men who fall into this category are ones who women have little interest in. So why do women see them at all? (1) Women loved to be flattered and taken out to dinner; for them, it’s a form of recreation; if you believe that it is also dating, then you are the only one deceived (2) The woman may not be sure of her primary weekend boyfriend(s) and want to have backups in case the primary boyfriends don’t work out.

In my experience, however, if you start out as a “secondary boyfriend” you never, ever graduate to becoming a primary boyfriend. It’s as if the woman has decided from the start that you are “B” team material and never eligible for promotion; or perhaps she decides that if you’re willing to put up with weekday dates that you’re too much of a pushover to be a primary boyfriend. I remember one woman I dated who only agreed to weekday dates; she claimed, because she worked in the city and lived outside of it, that it was only convenient to meet me after work. That didn’t stop her from coming in on a weekend to be with her friends or attend a parade in the city. One time she agreed to meet with me on a Sunday (a bad indicator!) while she was in the city and we literally had a date that was 45 minutes long before she “had to go”.

The video series below really cater more to women but there is a lot to learn for both sexes in relationships and especially dating relationships.

And moving forward…..

Which leads to my next topic, the timing of dates. Even if you get her to agree to a date on Friday or Saturday night (not merely Saturday day, though Saturday day and evening are ok), never agree to meet only for an hour; if you do, you are merely sandwiched between other appointments (dates) in her schedule. A successful date should last at least 3 hours, and shouldn’t end before 10 PM; if it doesn’t last that long, she isn’t interested.

If she’s really interested in you (or even potentially so) she should agree to give up one of her weekend evenings to see you. She can still see another guy on the alternate Friday or Saturday evening she’s not seeing you, but at least she can only see one other guy, and you will be on equal footing with him.

One last thing: beware of last minute renegotiations. If she calls at the last minute to cancel because of an “emergency” (usually an emergency date with someone else), think long and hard before rescheduling again. Cancelling a second date is not as bad as cancelling a first date, but it’s not great either. If she cancels right before your date, that’s a very bad (and rude) indicator. If she doesn’t immediately want to reschedule a precise date on the spot, preferring to “talk next week”, don’t waste any more time.

If she calls you at the last minute to change the itinerary of the date, be wary as well. I remember one date I was supposed to go bowling with. She called me that night to say that since she had been lifting heavy boxes her back hurt her–so would I mind going to dinner and dancing instead? (Obviously her bad back didn’t affect her dancing.) In such situations you may be tempted to change your evening plans to try to please her. Don’t do it! She’s just testing you to see how far she can push you. If she gives you a reason for not doing what you’ve planned, pick a reasonable third alternative, one she isn’t suggesting, and see how that strikes her. For example, if a “bad back” prevents bowling, but not dinner and dancing, suggest a walk in the park instead. If she shows no enthusiasm for that, it shows the real reason for the last minute change–she just wants to have her way.

Additional points to ponder:

You should call for the second date 2-3 days after the first date (unless that’s a Friday or a Saturday, in which case you should wait until a Sunday). Calling the day after makes you look too interested. You may be thinking, “What’s wrong with being too interested?” Well, with some women, there’s nothing wrong with that. But with many others, if they think you are too interested, they will also think you are desperate, and if they think you are desperate, they will not think you are desirable, thinking, “If this guy is so desperate for a date, he probably doesn’t date very much for some reason.” That’s why you have to wait 2-3 days. Longer than that, however, and you risk turning her off.

Before you call you should prepare ideas and possible times for a second date. Don’t agree to do anything you find very unpleasant just to please her. If you hate the opera or plays, don’t agree to it; you should find something you find at least neutral. A movie is not a bad second date, because it will give you both something to talk about afterwards. Going to a museum, zoo, or park can be nice…

But some women will expect DINNER; and by dinner, I mean an EXPENSIVE FOREIGN FOOD DINNER. Even if you suggest a museum or movie, many women will also expect DINNER to be tacked on. Because so many women expect to be fed on dates, there is no real correct answer for this one, but I will give both perspectives:

On the one hand, you can take her to dinner. Women like to eat, and if you think you really like her, you may want to please her, within reason. Some women expect “eating dates” to start early, and if you don’t do them, they may not go out with you or take you seriously.

On the other hand, don’t take her to dinner. Some women will go out with you only to get free dinners; sure, they love the attention you flatter them with as well, but many will have no real interest in you and are using you as “dinner machines”–a source of free, expensive foreign dinners. I’ve had some women who have gone on multiple dinner dates with me and only broke up with me when I finally refused to continue to take them out to dinner every time.

And then there is a more compelling reason not to do dinner on the second date: the “eat and scoot” women.

Going on a second date is not exactly a big commitment for a woman. After all on the first date you’ve barely kissed, if at all, and not very much is expected on the second date in the way of physical companionship. So going on a second date isn’t much of a commitment for a woman. Therefore, even if she doesn’t really like you, and knows she won’t go out on a third date with you, a second date is an excellent chance to get a free dinner from you.

Why would a woman go on a date with you when she has no real interest? Well, the sad truth is that some will go on one last date just for the free food, even when they know they won’t go out with you again. I call them the “eat and scoot” types. There are two ways of spotting them.

(A) During the dinner, she is very untalkative–an obvious sign of a lack of interest and an intention to immediately depart after dinner. If she obviously shows no interest during dinner, barely talks or asks you anything (e.g. isn’t even trying), I would ask her to pick up her portion of the check at the end of dinner. Since she’s going to disappear immediately afterwards and you’ll never see her again (and since men and women are equal, of course), why not? If she’s not dating you in good faith, you shouldn’t feel guity about it.

(B) Right after she arrives at the restaurant, she announces she has to leave immediately after dinner for some urgent appointment, or she’s very tired, and has to run away to go right to bed at 9 PM–in other words, she wants free food, but no kissing. I also had a bizarre case when right after I sat down to dinner the woman remarked to me that she already had a boyfriend and she thought I knew that! If a woman remarks to you that she has to leave right after dinner, you should announce that you too have a previous appointment and leave, right then and there, because she’s just playing games with you and you shouldn’t let yourself be used as a “dinner machine”. In fact, the “appointment” she has after dinner may well be a date with another man!

Don’t laugh, I’ve seen that happen. I remember one woman who claimed that she had an exam the following week and so would be studying hard the Friday night before (!) and as a result could only meet me for an hour in the early evening that Friday. When I asked her why she couldn’t schedule our hour together later in the evening (after all, an hour is an hour whenever it occurs) she replied that she wanted to “study” later on Friday evening. Of course, that’s when her other date was scheduled.

Please understand this is coming at it from a mans perspective, but rarely is the woman going to be doing the asking (?!) for the second date.   Even still, it is expected that the man pursue the woman, which has kept some men single for quite some time.

I hope this article and videos has helped both men and women have a bit more understanding of what to expect and how to act in regards to the second date.